My L.A. Decade: Home on the Range

For the record, Windows® is set up like a porcupine's sphincter. i can't figure out why anyone would choose to put their hands on a machine that runs this horrid system.

i left my power cable for my MacBook (a superior typing device) at home and am now at the bar i work at trying to play catch up as i was too tired last night to type up some words. i don't know how anyone uses a PC... i betchu the last time i had to use one was not too long after i moved out here actually! i did move to L.A. with the Dell i used in college and that sucker went into disuse when my first MacBook came on to the scene. 'Ole Dell sat around gathering dust until about last year because after cracking it open i couldn't figure out how to liberate the data pearl that was its hard drive. 

Aaaaaaanyway, i guess we got stuff to dive into and my past isn't going to relive itself... SO HERE WE GO!

Once upon a time in the untamed California desert there was a town with no mayor, no sheriff, and no Claire's Accessories Boutique called El Hollywood Norte. In the year of Twenty Ought something a band of rebels all hunkered down and settled this wild new frontier-land. Together they formed the Dude Ranch.

The Dude Ranch... my biggest regret was leaving the complex that harbored the first appt i lived in too early in my L.A. life. At 6736 Laurelgrove Ave. a young man's wildest dreams could come true and did regularly. Huge tracks of apartment living to be had, a swimming pool filled with leaves from overhanging trees, even a wily gun toting old building manager from Chicago; it had everything.

Gate Keepers of Cool

It was a place where anyone could be a dude. There were no rules, loads of F-Zero races, and Guitar Heroes packed to the walls. 

It was the perfect marriage of the Monkey Butler (don't worry i'll cover that soon) community and cheap living. In Apt 103 you had Josh Carver and myself. Across a "hall" that was just slightly narrower than my wingspan was Sean Hancock, Johnny C-Note, and Joe Clabby. But there was also a revolving door of recurring guest stars at El Rancho de Duderino. Pete "The Feat" Mitchell, Nora, Caitlin, Matt Hirschington, David LeCross, Matt Tate, Ryan Scott Self, Katrina "Outback Attack" Moore, Benjamin Phenjamin, Will "King in the North" Gatlin... i mean the list goes ON.

This place redefined what bohemian living meant in the modern era. pancake breakfasts were as common as mallet wielding Harley Quinn cosplayers at WonderCon. And usually "breakfast" meant 11am on a tues... bc that's the kind of bomb ass M'Fers we were.

Pancake Breakfast

We feasted regularly on Top Ramen, Sloptagons*, and Ikea Swedish Meatballs. Overwhelmed by the dignified fare you are, i'm sure. You must now be wondering what kind of cuisine the neighboring locale had to offer? Why the famous Del Taco! Oh, and Ralph's, but not the cute Ralph's with a sushi bar or fresh deli section. i once, after a late night of gaming and partaking in spirited beverages, famously drove into the all night drive through at Del Taco with Ryan Self and asked the attendant for a "box of crap", and she immediately knew that of which i spoke. It was wonderful. 

*The only edible menu item at Taco Bell; aka Crunchwrap Supreme. 

Apt 103 Studs

In our half of the dude ranch there were two couches we inherited. One a pristine white behemoth called The KGB on account of it looking like it had been purloined from the Kremlin, and a real comfort starved number that had a southwest inspired design we affectionately named The Trail of Tears.

We were a fraternity all our own. For people who likely were never in such an organization. 

Once we were throwing a party but i fell off a big pile of rocks and the party had to be canceled due to me being in the hospital and Josh coming to visit. This is totally not fabricated. 

i'm not sure what else to write about this glorious haven that was a moment in time... 

undeniably handsome men

i've heard rumor that you can still visit the Dude Ranch, and there are still folks Dudin' it Up over there. i don't know if it's possible to ever kill the spirit of the dude, which is why i am so honored to have been cog in that machine. 

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